Rock's Biggest Sellouts

Rock's Biggest Sellouts

I was watching TV last night when a Viagra ad came on. Elvis Presley's tune "Viva Las Vegas" had been replaced with an Elvis impersonator singing "Viva Viagra." It hurt — and not because I'm in need of medication. It was almost as bad as that crappy Toyota ad with the bad cover version of the Fixx's "Saved By Zero."

I'll be the first to admit that it's tough being in the music biz. Songwriters, singers, and bands are all finding fewer and fewer ways to get their music heard. Big corporations have a virtual lockdown on outlets for new releases. Wanna get your CD in a record store? Talk to Wal-Mart. Wanna get played on the radio? Try getting the attention of Clear Channel.

You won't have much luck unless you're one of a handful of musicians who have superstar status. U2, Coldplay, Taylor Swift are allowed entry. Everyone else? We’ll see you busking at the subway station. I'll be sure to throw a few bucks in your case because I care.

For these reasons and so many more, you can't blame artists for taking every slim opportunity to get their songs — and themselves — heard. Getting played in a commercial or promoting a product is often the best way. I don't begrudge Feist, Propellerheads, Yael Naïm, or any hipster indie artist who's provided a soundtrack to the latest Apple commercial to any of the money that’s come their way. Get on all the iPods you can.

But there's a line to be drawn. It's the difference between needed exposure and greed. It's the distinction between looking for a break and forgetting to say good-bye. Some songs don't need to be played anymore. Anywhere. Some music and musicians are such a part of the air we breathe that NO ONE needs any reminders. More importantly, the writers and performers of these songs have enough money. They can't cry poverty, and they can't cry lack of exposure. There is no excuse. They are just serial sellouts, often with embarrassingly bad taste in the products they choose to hawk.

Here are the biggest sellouts in rock. Want proof? Click on the images, see the offending ads, then tell me I'm wrong.

OZZY OSBOURNE
What's an over-the-hill prince of darkness to do once he's no longer selling records? Plug cell phones and video games. I'm sure Sharon made him do it. She has a lifestyle to maintain, ya know?

PETE TOWNSHEND
The Who's songwriter and guitarist will sell his songs to anybody. ANYBODY. TV’s CSI, Hummer ads, insurance ads, Nissan ads. Pete has no shame, and he'll be the first to tell you.

ALICE COOPER
Another Metamusel metalhead who has chosen to pitch everything from Bridgestone tires, to office supplies, to hotels. Plus, he's got some sports bar in Phoenix that serves "Nightmare" nachos and "No More Mr. Nice Guy" Chipotle Chicken Pasta. I'm not kidding.

LED ZEPPELIN
I think I'd rather see Zep tour without Robert Plant than hear "Rock and Roll" in a Cadillac ad. At least they could have picked a cool car by a company that isn't about to go belly up.

BOB SEGER
The granddaddy of all rock sellouts. His "Like A Rock" Chevy ad has been around so long, I can’t even remember when it was actually a song from an album.